We are all over 50....

We are all over 50 now...and so we thought this would be a great place to share funnies,
 jokes and whatever... to keep us laughing.  Email any funnies you'd like to share to:  Memorialclassof1971@gmail.com

Something to ponder… from Kemp Lewis A comparative reflection of times then and now… True story. Back in ’67 or so, Dick Brawner and I (Kemp) were shooting our shotguns at what was then a pretty remote location west of 81st on the east bank of the lovely Arkansas River. Becoming thirsty, we trekked a distance thru brush, then over the “Jenks Bridge” and down Main Street in Jenks to the Sinclair gas station, shotguns in tow. Yes, we were two thirteen year-old pimple-faced kids walking down Main Street in downtown Jenks carrying our shotguns.  Dick went into the station while I stayed outside with our guns.  We got our Cokes (and probably cigarettes), then left.   NO ONE BLINKED AN EYE. Crossing back over the bridge, we politely waved back to the policeman who cruised past and waved. Fast forward to 2008. Picture the same two thirteen year olds doing that now! Horrors! Call ATF!! Call FBI!!! Homeland Security! SWAT teams placed on alert! Immediate lockdown of schools!! Boys are taken into custody. Parents are called in and sequestered for questioning.   It gets much worse.   Under intense interrogation, Lewis breaks down and confesses that while hunting, he and Brawner bagged a few sparrows. OH, NO!!@##   Lewis and Brawner are identified as neglected children, charged and adjudicated accordingly; and their parents must answer to Child Protective Services. Ultimately, Brawner and Lewis are fortunate. They are allowed to plead to only five of the fifteen original State and Federal charges and are placed on supervised probation for a year during which time Lewis and Brawner are required to attend anger management classes and grief counseling for the birds they killed. The required twelve week three nights per week smoking cessation classes did them good. The boys’ parents were not so fortunate. State and Federal agencies levied charges totaling $108,987.00 against each set of parents for fines and restitution. But, part of the stipulation was that the monies would be directed to the State Wildlife Habitat Improvement Project. That made everybody feel better! Looking forward to seeing you in 2011. Until then, have much fun! Kemp

Here's a good one from Patti Treadwell Unruh!

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

 My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'

Gentle Thoughts for Today--
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

 The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

 Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way.

I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Here's a Memory Test from Martha!  See if you can score 20 like we did!

MEMORY TEST!

This is NOT a pushover test.  There are 20 questions.  Average score is 12.  (It will help if you are over 60!)  This one will be difficult for the younger set.  Have fun, but no peeking!  When you forward this to your friends and family, put your score in the subject line and let them know your score.  Good luck, youngsters.

  1.  What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
 A.        Flintstones vitamins
 B.        The Buttmaster
 C.        Spaghetti
 D.        Wonder Bread
 E.        Orange Juice
 F.        Milk
 G.        Cod Liver Oil

 2.  Before he was Muhammad Ali, he was...
 A.        Sugar Ray Robinson
 B.        Roy Orbison
 C.        Gene Autry
 D.        Rudolph Valentino
 E.        Fabian
 F.        Mickey Mantle
 G.        Cassius Clay

 3.  Pogo, the comic strip character said, “We have met the enemy and...
 A.        It's you
 B.        He is us
 C.        It's the Grinch
 D.        He wasn't home
 E.        He's really me an
 F.        We quit
 G.        He surrendered

 4.  Good night David.
 A.        Good night Chet
 B.        Sleep well
 C.        Good night Irene
 D.        Good night Gracie
 E.        See you later alligator
 F.        Until tomorrow G.               Good night Steve

 5.  You'll wonder where the yellow went...
 A.       When you use Tide B.       When you lose your crayons
 C.       When you clean your tub
 D.       If you paint the room blue
 E.       If you buy a soft water tank
 F.       When you use Lady Clairol
 G.       When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

 6.  Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend...
 A.       Stuart Whitman
 B.       Randolph Scott
 C.       Steve Reeves
 D.       Maynard G.Krebbs
 E.       Corky B. Dork
 F.       Dave the Whale
 G.       Zippy Zoo

 7.  Liar, liar...
 A.       You're a liar
 B.       Your nose is growing
 C.       Pants on fire
 D.       Join the choir
 E.       Jump up higher
 F.       On the wire
 G.       I'm telling Mom

 8.  Meanwhile, back in Metropolis,  Superman fights a never ending battle for  truth, justice and...
 A.       Wheaties
 B.        Lois Lane
 C.       TV ratings
 D        World peace
 E.       Red tights
 F.       The American  way
 G.       News headlines

 9.  Hey kids!  What time is it?
 A.       It's time for Yogi Bear
 B.       It's time to do your homework
 C.       It's Howdy Doody Time
 D.       It's Time for Romper Room
 E.       It's bedtime
 F.       The Mighty Mouse Hour
 G.       Scoopy Doo Time

 10.  Lions and tigers and bears...
 A.       Yikes
 B.       Oh no
 C.       Gee whiz
 D.       I'm scared
 E.       Oh my
 F.       Help! Help!
 G.       Let's run

 11.  Bob Dylan advised us never to  trust anyone...
 A.       Over 40
 B.       Wearing a uniform
 C.       Carrying a briefcase
 D.        Over 30  E.       You don't know
 F.       Who says, 'Trust me'
 G.       Who eats tofu

 12.  NFL quarterback who appeared in a  television commercial wearing women's stockings...
 A.       Troy Aikman
 B.       Kenny Stabler
 C.       Joe Namath
 D.       Roger Stauback
 E.       Joe Montana
 F.       Steve Young
 G.       John Elway

 13.  Brylcream...
 A.       Smear it on
 B.       You'll smell great
 C.       Tame that cowlick
 D.       Grease ball heaven
 E.       It's a dream
 F.       We're your team
 G.       A little dab'll do ya

 14.  I found my thrill...
 A.       In Blueberry muffins
 B.       With my man, Bill
 C.       Down  at the  mill
 D.       Over the window sill
 E.       With thyme and dill
 F.       Too late to enjoy
 G.       On Blueberry Hill

 15.Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by...
 A.       Clark Gable
 B.       Mary Martin
 C.       Doris Day
 D.       Errol Flynn
 E.       Sally Fields
 F.       Jim Carey
 G.       Jay Leno

 16.  Name the Beatles ...
 A.       John, Steve, George, Ringo
 B.       John, Paul, George, Roscoe
 C.       John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
 D.       Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
 E.       Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo
 F.       Jason, Betty, Skipper,  Hazel
 G.       John, Paul, George, Ringo

 17.  I wonder, wonder, who..
 A.       Who ate the leftovers?
 B.       Who did the laundry?
 C.       Was it  you?
 D.       Who wrote the book of love?
 E.       Who I am?
 F.       Passed  the test?
 G.       Knocked on the door?

 18.  I'm strong to the finish...
 A.       Cause I eats my broccoli
 B.       Cause I eats me spinach
 C.       Cause I lift weights
 D.       Cause I'm the hero
 E.       And don't you forget it
 F.       Cause Olive Oyl loves me
 G.       To outlast  Bruto

 19.  When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star  today...
 A.       Smile, you're on Candid Camera
 B.       Smile, you're on Star Search
 C.       Smile, you won the lottery
 D.       Smile, we're watching you
 E.       Smile, the world sees you
 F.       Smile, you're a hit
 G.       Smile, you're on TV

 20.  What do M & M's do?
 A.        Make your tummy happy
 B.       Melt in your mouth, not in your  pocket
 C.       Make you fat
 D.       Melt your heart
 E.       Make you  popular
 F.       Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
 G.       Come in  colors
   
 Below are the right answers:
 1.       D - Wonder Bread
 2.       G - Cassius Clay
 3.       B - He Is Us
 4.       A - Good night, Chet
 5.       G - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
 6.       D - Maynard G. Krebbs
 7.       C - Pants On Fire
 8.       F  - The American Way
 9.       C - It's Howdy Doody Time
 10.      E - Oh My
 11.      D - Over 30
 12.      C - Joe Namath
 13.      G - A little dab'll  do ya
 14.      G - On Blueberry Hill
 15.      B - Mary Martin
 16.      G - John, Paul, George, Ringo
 17.      D - Who wrote the book of  Love
 18.      B - Cause I eats me spinach
 19.      A - Smile, you're on  Candid Camera
 20.      F - Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your  Hand  

THE PERKS OF REACHING 50 + - Sent in by Martha Mahoney Sullivan!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you? 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.